Overcoming Fitness Fears in Midlife with Therapeutic/Reflective Writing
A Sudden Twist, A Familiar Fear
It was just over a week ago that a familiar fear tightened its grip on me as my lower back and hip muscles went into spasm. All it took was a small movement to the right with a slight twist and bend, and there it was, pain that for an instant felt like a vice tightening its grip on my torso.
As if the pain wasn’t enough, it was the fear that I’d lose all the gains I’d made over the course of months with walking, fitness and my midlife weight loss and health journey, that shocked me the most. In the past, lower back issues meant that recovery took at least a week, sometimes more and by then I’d feel defeated and stop.
Although I was annoyed and frustrated with my body and the timing of this setback, I took a step back and realized that my body had a message for me.
This time I decided to pay attention to her and lean into this part of me that seems to emerge and spread doubt in me when:
I’m ready to increase my activity level or the intensity of my workouts,
there’s a conflict I’m working through, or
I’ve been too ambitious too quickly (perhaps I wasn’t ready to lift 60lbs and would have been better off working up to it?).
Writing as a Tool to Healing in Midlife
What I love about therapeutic and reflective writing is that there’s always a prompt or a technique that suits the moment, that helps us explore our issues and concerns with depth, that invites insight and healing.
The perfect technique arrived this week as I’ve been participating in Tanya Lynch’s program, Journal With Ease. We’ve explored several tools in the therapeutic/reflective writing toolbox, but of all of them so far, it’s the letter writing technique that I felt drawn to for exploring this challenging part of me.
Letter writing is a powerful therapeutic/reflective writing technique that can be used in a variety of ways. I used it at the beginning of my midlife weight loss/health improvement journey to explore my WHY – I wrote to myself as if it was a year later, noting the changes I’d made and how grateful I was that I’d started the journey.
Sometimes it’s helpful to write letters to our younger selves or inner children who need reassurance that we’ve got their backs; we’ve grown up and in the big scheme of things we turned out ok.
In other times we may want to write a letter to or about someone, or about our challenges with them – it’s a perfect opportunity to release rage, shame, guilt and all the feelings that take up too much space within our minds and hearts. Writing it all down and then burning the letter or ripping it up can be cathartic, a symbolic way to let go and heal from old wounds we no longer need to carry.
The Power of Our Parts
And my favorite: writing letters to our inner parts.
This therapeutic/reflective writing tool invites creativity, insight and healing. It gives voice to wisdom we may not be aware of as we tap into our subconscious while allowing our conscious minds to rest.
To bring life to our parts we can give them names, colours, numbers or think of them as metaphors – whatever helps to connect with them.
Before writing, I began with a round of EFT Tapping to relax my body and connect within. As I reflected on my recent injury, I reconnected with the part of me that felt Doubtful, and so I began my letter with “Dear Doubtful”.
This part of me is pessimistic, the one that says it’s going to rain when there isn’t a cloud in the sky, a persona very much like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. It’s the part that’s quick to utter, “I told you so – you’re not able to lift 60lbs so save yourself the trouble. You just can’t do it!”
What would happen if I invited Miss Able to become part of this process, I wondered?
Let me introduce you to her – she’s the part of me that sees challenges from a more positive perspective. She’s my cheerleader, the part of me that believes in me.
She reminds me that I’m able, capable, strong and there’s no reason for me not to believe “I can…”.
A Dialogue Between Strength and Safety
Miss Able wrote to Doubtful with a gentle but firm tone, introducing herself to him as they’d never met before, at least not officially. Here’s an excerpt:
I can’t say enough about how grateful I am that you are a part of Joan. You are a strong, vibrant part of her that’s worked hard to keep her safe as a child and then as an adult. Without you she might have taken uncalculated risks and regretted her actions, but you have reminded her repeatedly that she must be vigilant and safe.
I am also a part of Joan that works to ensure her safety, but in a different way. Aren’t we privileged to play a part in Joan’s life, especially now that she’s a fully grown woman with so much experience behind her?
My job is to help her move forward, to continue becoming stronger, to feel confident that she can move forward without fear of falling or failing.
I think we have the same goal of supporting her but perhaps we have different ways of going about it. Yours is to reign her in and mine is to move her forward.
No wonder she feels confused sometimes!
Joan has asked me to connect with you – she sees the value in both of us, but knows that unless we can work together, to collaborate in some way, she’s going to remain stuck.
So, I’d like to ask you if you’d be willing to join forces with me to figure out a way for Joan to remain safe and yet move forward?
Wouldn’t we make a strong, dynamic, team that helps Joan become the midlife woman she wants to be?
She deserves both of us to be on the same page!
Why Writing to Your Inner Parts Can Be Transformational
I continued to play with this process, intrigued as Doubtful and Miss Able shared thoughts and feelings I wasn’t aware of.
Who knew that Doubtful was relieved when he learned he didn’t have to carry all the responsibility for my wellbeing?
Where would I be without some of Doubtful’s caution and a reminder to Miss Able to slow me down?
Letter writing to our parts can be fun and revealing. Keep in mind that while this process is therapeutic, it isn’t therapy.
I invite you to give it a try – choose a mild to moderate challenge to begin with and don’t hesitate to work with a professional counsellor, coach, or therapeutic/writing coach if you need to or find that you get stuck.
What parts of you might be waiting to be heard? What would happen if they wrote letters to each other - what would they say and how would they support you?
Thanks for reading. I’d love to know what you learn as you answer the questions - please reply below or touch base with me at coach@joanridsdel.com.
And, if you’d like to join me for weekly therapeutic/reflective writing prompts, The W.I.S.E.R. Woman’s Guide is the place to be! Join HERE
With so much gratitude,
