Rewriting a Midlife Recipe: Navigating Self-Sabotage in the Messy Middle
Photo by @jonathankslim
I find it hard to believe that a year into my weight/fat loss journey, I’m still fighting with myself about the speed at which I’m losing weight. To be fair, I’ve made some great non-scale progress and won’t discount the smaller number on the scale, but I thought when I wrote about the tortoise and the hare that I’d finally reconciled myself to a slow, step by step process.
Apparently not.
The Messy Middle of Midlife Weight Loss
Life is full of ups and downs, isn’t it? Recently I was derailed a bit by lower back and hip pain. It made me take a step back for a couple of weeks and rethink any plans I had of adding more steps or increasing workouts at the gym.
I couldn’t help but feel some fear about losing ground and doubting my abilities; after all, as a woman in midlife with a checkered history of emotional eating and sporadic exercise, I turned over a new leaf last year, committed to improving my health.
Listening to the Body: Back Pain, Healing, and Resilience
After two weeks of back and hip discomfort, I finally booked an appointment with my trusted physio. As I told him my story of where it all started and how the pain moved along my back and down my hip, he confirmed that this pattern relates to the L3 disk in my spine. No need to worry he assured me – the remedy is simple now that I’m no longer in the acute phase and can move with more ease again.
His prescription? Movement and strengthening and listening to my body as I do each exercise. Thank goodness for Jeff.
The relief I felt was welcome. No need to stop, just pay attention and take my time as I continue to strengthen my back and core.
The Self-Sabotage Recipe: How Old Habits Sneak Back In
With my back and hip looked after, I returned to the annoyance I felt at the rate I’m losing weight. What about this aspect of my journey that keeps me going back to it? How does feeling annoyed and frustrated by it change anything?
When I took a step back and allowed myself to zoom out, I recognized a familiar, old pattern. It was like looking at a recipe written out on a piece of well-worn paper and stuffed into a corner of my baking cupboard for safe keeping. The ink was faded, and the paper stained from splashes and drops of butter that spread upward from the corners where my greasy fingers have held it, each time checking to ensure I’d included all the ingredient in the mix.
Even though each ingredient and the order in which they are added to the mix was memorized long ago, where would I be without the list, the order, the instructions, this greasy piece of paper that gives me comfort that I’m “getting it right”?
Why Self-Sabotage Shows Up in Midlife
Self-sabotage is a funny thing – not a laughing matter, but one that surreptitiously inserts itself into our lives, hidden amongst thoughts and well-intentioned actions, making an appearance at the most inopportune times.
Often this part of us stems from childhood or the past. It’s not intending to hold us back but more to keep us safe, cocooned and protected – at least that was the original intent when we created a recipe that included all the ingredients needed to hide, protect and care for ourselves.
But what if the recipe is no longer readable on that well-worn piece of paper? What if the ingredients no longer hold their promise of a delicious, comforting mix that soothes and consoles? What if it does the exact opposite of what it’s intended to do?
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What then?
Rewriting a Midlife Recipe
I’ve been rewriting my health recipe in the last year. It includes the ingredients needed to create strength in mind and body, to appreciate aging in a more positive way, to value this body and reframe weight/fat loss as a process, not a destination.
Clearly, I’ve been loath to remove the old recipe despite creating space in my recipe book for a new and updated list of ingredients. A growing part of me is ready to fully commit, to rip the old recipe into a thousand pieces to keep moving forward, one step at a time, slowly but surely, honouring my own pace and efforts. Another tiny part still wants to hold on to the old recipe – is it for comfort disguised as an excuse to sabotage, or is there more to it?
The Messy Middle as a Place of Growth, Not Failure
This, I reminded myself, is exactly what being in the messy middle is like. It’s about taking a step forward and then having enough resilience to move through the discomfort or challenge when it’s before you; having the patience to pause and breathe before taking another step, and then another.
It’s sometimes about re-routing, adjusting, re-evaluating, or creating another plan; about having the flexibility to pivot and shift directions or perceptions; about recognizing when another part of you has revealed itself and needs some attention; and about knowing when the same old story has worn out its welcome and a better one is waiting to be written.
Creating a New Recipe for Resilience and Renewal
Perhaps it’s about the soul and old contracts that keep returning, finding space in our recipe books despite our best efforts to replace the old ones. It gives me pause for thought and reflection as I continue to create and renew my life’s recipe for now and the future into midlife and beyond.
When you think about your own midlife journey, what’s one small ingredient you’d like to add to your recipe for resilience and self-care?
I’d love to know! Reply privately and let me know HERE
Thanks for reading!
Joan
If you’d like regular inspiration, journaling prompts, and encouragement for navigating the messy middle of midlife with wisdom, intuition, self-compassion, and resilience, I invite you to join me in The W.I.S.E.R. Woman’s Guide. It’s my free weekly newsletter created to support women like you in rewriting old patterns and embracing this season of life with more ease and energy.
