What My Back Injury Taught Me About Letting Go In Midlife
A Twist I Didn’t See Coming
I didn’t expect a simple twist and bend to stop me in my tracks – but that’s what happened one night recently while getting ready for bed. My lower back and hip seized up and for a brief second, I held my breath, willing the pain and tightness away.
I couldn’t believe it was happening.
I felt so disappointed after writing about how much stronger my body has become and the healing that’s happened as I’ve entered midlife.
How could my body let me down like this? And why now when my step count was up and I’d planned to add a third gym session during the week?
Instead, it seemed my body had something to say and was going to make me pay attention, like it or not. It wasn’t just pain; it felt like an interruption, a message, an invitation to listen more deeply.
It’s been a long time since I experienced this type of back pain. It used to be a frequent occurrence as I tried to fit movement, walking and strengthening into my busy life as a parent and employee. Sometimes it would take up to a week to resolve and allow me to get back to regular walking or exercise of any kind.
Some might say it was my body’s way of making me rest. In the back of my mind, I’d scoff at the idea – life didn’t slow down or stop; children’s needs and activities continued, work demands didn’t go away. I just adapted, pushed through, soldiered on. There was no pausing to take stock – it was easier to push it away and ignore the signals.
So, with a heating pad and Tylenol, I crawled gingerly into bed that night. If this interruption was a message, then I’d better pay attention and listen, I decided.
As a woman in midlife, with all the knowledge and information I have at my fingertips, coupled with lived experience, I now know better than to ignore my body.
The Power of Tapping and Writing
With time and space to explore, to experiment, to pause, I wondered: What does my body want me to know?
Next morning I began my search for answers by doing a round or two of EFT Tapping to relax my body and invite my subconscious mind to be available to me; at the same time, I gave my conscious mind permission to relax and let go of all the thoughts and pre-conceived ideas I had about what this injury might mean.
My body naturally took a few deep breathes as it always does when I tap – it’s a different feeling than a purposeful breath in and out when practicing yoga, for example. It’s a release, my body letting go of the stress I’d been holding whether consciously or unconsciously. And with it a surrendering to whatever might emerge as I continued to tap and then write in my journal.
The words that emerged as I settled in to write were “emotional, conflict, sadness”. I continued to tap, acknowledging each word and the part of me that was holding these feelings.
I’ve learned that pushing feelings away just makes them stronger, more persistent, bigger; in the past, I’d have turned to food as a way to soothe or comfort myself. Now, I wanted to sit quietly and allow my body to talk to me.
Midlife Conflict - Wanting to Be Needed, Needing to Let Go
Tapping helps calm the body and opens curiosity and creativity; writing helps to clarify and track thoughts and feelings.
The words that flowed onto the page highlighted a conflict I’d been experiencing about my role as a mom recently; the sadness and emotion I’d been feeling around how this role has changed.
No matter how old our children are, I acknowledge a part of me that still wants to protect them and help with their challenges and struggles. I also respect that there comes a time when I may not be the right person to help.
As hard as it is, I understand that sometimes when we see our children struggling, we must sit back, be ready to share uninvited words, ready to offer support, ready to be their cheerleaders, ready to hold the space for a moment while they catch their breath. And be ready to let them go, trusting that they will find their own way.
It’s like standing in a doorway – one foot in the past where being needed gave me purpose and identity as a mom, and the other foot in my future where I’m exploring and enjoying space, freedom and less emotional responsibility.
It’s the threshold that still sometimes feels uncomfortable as I want to feel connected, useful and relevant, and yet relish the freedom to explore, experiment, and be the woman I’ve always wanted to be.
Could My Injury Be a Resolution, Not a Setback?
In the last year, I’ve been introduced to German New Medicine (GNM) – a system of looking at physical symptoms as expressions of unresolved emotional conflicts. Dr. Ryke Geerd Hamer suggests that all symptoms are the body’s way of responding to emotional or psychological conflicts – pain may not be present from the injury itself, but as part of healing, after a conflict has been resolved.
Curious, I wanted to know what GNM would say about my recent twist and bend and the pain I experienced. Here’s what I learned:
Muscles, joints and connective tissue pain may relate to self-devaluation conflicts such as “I’m not strong enough” or “I’m not able to stand my ground”.
The left lower back and hip often represent conflict about feeling unsupported, fear of not moving forward, or feeling stuck in a situation.
The left side of the body in right-handed people suggest mother/child conflicts – perhaps a conflict with your child, mother, or someone you care about.
And finally, I learned that sudden pain from twisting and bending may have been the trigger to inform me about the conflict and the resolution I’d been working towards.
(Resource: https://learninggnm.com/home.html?utm_source=chatgpt.com)
If this information is of interest, I recommend connecting with Lori Lamont who is an amazing EFT Coach and Trainer and Meta Consciousness/GNM practitioner. You can find her at Empowerment EFT.
Could my twist and bend injury simply have meant that the muscles were tight and over-worked, or perhaps the kettlebell was too heavy during my last workout, or maybe I didn’t stretch enough before and after my workouts?
It’s quite possible, and yet I like to think there’s a practical reason and, because I’ve used EFT Tapping extensively to release stress and shift energy in our bodies, I’m open to the possibility that GNM has merit.
Either way, I’m now feeling much better physically and emotionally, as I’ve been coming to terms with the inevitable and natural changes between parent and child. I’m back to walking again and strength training - the conflict feels easier, lighter, smaller.
As I finished Tapping and writing, the final words to myself were: meet yourself where you are, take one step at a time, and allow things to unfold as they should.
"The best thing you can do for your children is to let them go. And the best thing you can do for yourself is to find out who you are when they're not needing you anymore." (Author may be Jim Jones)
Thanks for reading. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you’d like to Tap and Write your way through the messy middle.
And leave a comment below – I’d love to know your thoughts!
Each week in The W.I.S.E.R. Woman’s Guide, you’ll find therapeutic/reflective writing prompts to guide you as you explore thoughts, feelings, themes, and challenges in your life.
Joan
