My Inner Rebel, Emotional Eating, and the Story I’m Rewriting

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Understanding Your Inner Rebel and Emotional Eating

How is your relationship with your inner rebel these days?

I ask because I’ve been fully engaged recently with my inner rebel - and loving it! What a treat it is to be able to sit with her and for the first time, see her for the creative, persistent, and determined part of me she is.

She’s been the devilish part that’s pulled me into using food to soothe my soul, to ditch the diets I’ve been on, to take me away from my goal of losing weight, despite my desperate attempts at whatever cost. 

I’ve been angry with her, hated her for so easily guiding me off course, enticing me in the blink of an eye to abandon myself. With the promise of peace and “I’ll start again on Monday” mantra, I always ended up disappointed and ashamed at my lack of control and stickability to my plan.

She has been my nemesis – until now.

How Restrictive Dieting Triggered My Inner Rebel

Last week was when I really noticed her again. It was a moment when I caught myself with my hand in the cookie package, mindlessly grazing to stave off some emotions I thought I didn’t have time for. It was then I realized she was trying to get my attention.

After a year of transforming my weight loss/health journey, it seemed the right time to engage her differently, something I’ve struggled with in the past, despite teaching my clients how to work with their inner rebels. 

Perhaps it was time for me to practice what I preach!

When I explained to my coach that my inner rebel had been poking at me and that in the past I’d have jumped ship in a heartbeat, my coach suggested that maybe this part of me was wiser than I gave her credit for.

What if she’d been trying to tell me that all the restrictive dieting I’d taken part in wasn’t safe or effective? What if her goal had been to push me to stop messing with my body and prompt me to deal with my emotions, to rebel against diet culture and a mindset that had me riding a rollercoaster going nowhere.

Could it have been she felt the need to take drastic measures to get me to stop?

For decades I saw this inner rebel as “bad” and suffered terribly, believing I was a failure. Those moments of chucking dieting out the window, of huffing and puffing, telling myself that “No one is going to tell me what and how much to eat or what to do.”, might have been the only way my inner rebel could keep me safe from the behaviours, programs and mindset that set me (and others) up for failure.

Had I caught on much earlier, I believe things would have been very different.

But what is it about now that has prompted her to shout at me, jump up and down, waving her arms as if to remind me that she’s still here and has no intention of going anywhere?

I’ve been leaving her behind as my beliefs, mindset, behaviours have evolved over the last year. And I think I’m finally maturing – I know, “it’s about time” a little voice inside whispered!

I’m able to remind myself that I’m the woman who takes consistent action – something, not nothing. Food and I have a very different relationship now and I have a different relationship with myself now than I did a year ago.

While I continue to transition and write new stories about weight and health, I wondered what new story I’d be able to write or re-write about with this part of me that just won’t leave me.

A Table for Two: Me and My Inner Rebel

In a tapping session, once my body was calm and my heart open, I envisioned a table for two and saw us sitting together, deep in conversation.

Here’s what emerged as I tapped and then wrote in my journal:

She confided in me that she’d spent so long trying to keep me safe and away from harm. When she noticed my hand grabbing cookies, it was an automatic reaction to jump in, cheer me on, steer me away from restriction.

She’d been feeling lost over the last year, patiently waiting for me to fall off my path, hoping that I’d pay attention to her. She didn’t know what to do with my new practice - to stop, take a breath, assess, deal with my feelings and then choose whether to eat or not.

What good was she if she couldn’t take care of me?

Our conversation was enlightening and as my pen kept moving I realized she’d put me in a box I no longer felt comfortable in or wanted to live in, no matter how much she wanted me to stay enclosed within it. 

The problem was, I wrote, that I’ve already opened the box and taken a step outside. The box hasn’t gone; it’s just not closed anymore to all the possibilities I see before me.

Her head dropped and, in that moment, I saw her as my 2 year old self, struggling to find her voice, feelings of shame and anger rushing through her body as she was “caught” and scolded for putting her hands in the cookie jar.

I think it was in that moment she made a decision - no one was going to tell her what and how much she could eat; and so began decades of using food to mask her feelings, unable to manage them in her small vibrant body. 

It was a brilliant plan at the time to keep her safe and protected.

But that was then, and this is now.

Inviting My Inner Rebel Into a New Weight Loss Mindset

I invited her to come with me on my journey, to have a place in my life where I could take care of her. I want her there to push me; to remind me that sometimes it takes the voice of a rebel to inspire and create the courage to try new things and move ahead. 

She’s that voice.

She’s put her swords and fighting tools down, at least for the moment. Like anything, it takes practice to live differently and gather the evidence needed to show that change is a good thing and that navigating her way through this transition can be done with ease.

Rewriting My Story With Compassion

I’m sure my story isn’t finished but the moment I began writing it down, I felt relief and gratitude that I finally stopped long enough to listen, accept and embrace a part that’s been ever present at each age and stage of life I’ve been in.

Has your inner rebel has been tugging at your sleeve lately? What does she want you to know?

Thanks for reading!

Joan

This kind of gentle inner work is woven into everything I teach. If you’d like support in exploring the parts of you that protect, resist, or rebel — and finally create change with compassion instead of force — I invite you to join me in The Tap and Write Studio, 1-1 Coaching with me and inside The WISER Woman’s Guide.

It’s where we tap, write, and grow together.

Come explore what’s possible when every part of you gets a seat at the table.