Money Stories We Inherit: Healing My Midlife Relationship With Worth and Work

The Gift of Generosity

Of all the gifts my dad left me, the one I feel most deeply now, in midlife, is generosity. I didn’t realize how important - and yet challenging - it would become at this stage in my life as I grapple with generosity vs financial sustainability in my business.

This deeply held value I inherited flowed quietly like an underground stream throughout all my career decisions and in every aspect of building my coaching business, including who I serve and how I think about charging for my services.

As an ophthalmologist practicing in a rural prairie community, Dad knew that not everyone could afford his services. Sacks of cabbages or potatoes with “thank you” cards attached often appeared on the doorstep from patients who couldn’t afford his fees in cash.  

He never complained. He believed that no one should have to go without care or medical services because of their financial situation. He judged the value of his work by the difference it made in his patients’ lives, never by the money it earned.

This value didn’t go unnoticed by me growing up. It was displayed in more ways than one when

• he met with patients on the weekends when needed,

• attended to patients in the middle of the night when, for example, a man had a mental health crisis and stabbed himself in the eye, or

• he advocated for Medicare, contrary to popular opinion by medical professionals, believing care was for everyone.

He was known for his skill and medical ingenuity, but it was his generosity that guided his practice.

Worth Beyond Money

So it’s no wonder I became a social worker, where at its core it’s about dignity - about supporting people in reclaiming their agency, their options, their sense of worth and the small moments of change that often go unseen. I don’t think anyone enters into social work or many of the “helping” professions believing wealth is just around the corner!

When I stepped into life coaching in midlife, it felt like a natural extension of what I’d been doing for decades. I was excited to build a small business of my own but soon learned that running a business and working in one as an employee was very different.

Navigating Business in Midlife

The advice I received about how to run a coaching business varied but the consistent message I heard, loud and clear was “charge what you’re worth”.    

For years that phrase has rubbed me the wrong way, but I couldn’t fully explain why. I don’t resent or blame anyone who chooses high-ticket rates. I don’t believe it’s wrong to want wealth or visibility.

But I’ve spent most of my life in service-oriented, not-for-profit environments where money was tight and raises were modest. Worth, for me, was never connected to what I earned.

You might think that I’d rejoice at the freedom I now have to charge more for my work and see my bank account grow.  And yet, I grapple, knowing not everyone who joins Tap and Write or seeks coaching can afford higher rates.

I never want money to be the reason someone misses an opportunity to grow.

Midlife Crossroads

And yet..

Here I am at a crossroads in midlife.

On the one hand, I’m listening to fellow coaches and friends telling me to charge more—to honour the heart I bring to this work and the decades of training that shaped it, to ensure financial sustainability and longevity.

And on the other hand, I’m trying to navigate through and honour the story that has shaped my beliefs about where my value lies and where it doesn’t.

This tension, between the two perspectives, might not be about having to choose one over the other.

Tools for Reflection and Change

As I lean into the discomfort, tapping helps me soften my grip on this long-held story; writing is helping me to articulate a new one. And while I don’t have a clear answer yet in this midlife transition, Tap and Write is helping me honour my father’s generosity while also making room for my own sustainability.

What stories about money and worth did you inherit and how are they influencing you today – are they aligned or in conflict?

If this question stirred some feelings in you, use these 3 tapping lines to help you soften and calm what surfaced before exploring this question in your journal (I created a short tapping video for you if you’re not familiar with how to tap):

“Even though I’ve carried beliefs about money and worth for a long time, I’m open to exploring them now.”

“Even though this transition I’m navigating feels ______, I’m ready to entertain new ways of thinking about money and worth in my life and business.”

“Even though change is hard, I’m willing to take a step forward to help me honour what was and what is emerging.”

You can use these words or create your own tapping script – or you can tap and breathe, no words required.

Continuing the Exploration

Midlife is full of crossroads, isn’t it?

Places where old beliefs and new possibilities meet. The work of untangling inherited stories, exploring our worth, and finding balance isn’t always easy, but it is deeply rewarding.

By journaling, tapping, and reflecting, we can meet ourselves where we’re at, with curiosity, compassion, and courage as we navigate through transitions and this stage of life.

I invite you to continue this journey with me. Join my newsletter for more prompts, insights, and reflections designed to help you explore deeply held beliefs and your next steps in life with intention and care.

And if you’d like to go deeper, Tap and Write sessions offer a guided space to combine therapeutic writing and tapping to shift old beliefs, clarify values, and create room for new possibilities. It’s a gentle, supportive way to honor the work you’ve done—and the life you’re ready to step into next.

Won’t you join me?

Thanks for reading.

Joan