The Freedom of Experimenting with Food, Feelings, and Weight Loss in Midlife

I’ve come to love thinking about new projects as experiments in which I can just give it a try without worrying whether the outcome is good or bad - it allows me to separate myself from the judgement, pesky fears, the perfectionistic tendencies I’ve wrangled with, including all or nothing thinking.

Last week I began preparing for a week of maintenance after being in a calorie deficit for 10 months. I’d resisted the idea when my coach suggested it as I was afraid the small amount of hard fought weight loss I’d achieved would disappear instantly and I’d be back to where I was 10 months ago.

It seemed counter-intuitive to eat more as part of my weight loss plan and in the past I’d never have entertained the idea - dieting was restrictive, calories were limited and eating more felt like cheating.

What I didn’t realize then was that too few calories day in and day out was unsustainable - over decades I found the time between starting a diet, determined “this” time to succeed, and breaking it by bingeing, overeating and emotionally eating, was hours.

No wonder I couldn’t keep the weight I’d lost off - I was either starving myself or overeating.

I wrote Body of Mine two years ago as part of the journey I’ve been on to heal and transform parts of me that felt abandoned, lied to; the parts of me I believed were broken because I couldn’t achieve what society wanted me to - thinness.

The anger and rage I felt over decades for the child and woman I was, who just couldn’t get it right no matter how hard I tried, has gone now; in its place is more compassion, more grace and a deep belief in my ability to care for me -body, mind and spirit - in nourishing, thoughtful, grounded ways.

It is from this place that I’m now allowed to experiment - no drama, no angst, no wringing of hands, or doomsday thinking. No, it’s freedom at its best.

Old Rules No Longer Apply

For anyone who’s struggled with weight, emotional eating, overeating, or any variation of disordered eating, you’ll understand that it’s not about the food so much as what’s happening underneath the surface.

Food becomes the source of comfort in those moments when we’re unable to sit in the discomfort, unable to acknowledge the feelings, fearful of what we might find if we just paused, took a breath, and allowed those hidden, buried parts of us to be seen, heard, and loved.

It’s deep work that sometimes requires us to seek help from a trusted coach or counsellor, get the clinical help needed to unravel and rewrite the stories we’ve held on to that no longer serve us, learn how to create a nourishing relationship with food, our bodies, and minds. And, finally make peace with those parts of us that couldn’t keep us safe no matter how hard they tried.

So, this week of maintenance has been an experiment, free to eat more without judgement and concern that I’m eating too much or that I’m going to blow it all up, never to lose another pound ever again.

I began the week with a loss on the scale. It was interesting to witness a different response than in days gone by. I saw it, acknowledged it, and moved on knowing that daily weight fluctuates anyway - the average over the week is what I pay more attention to.

Prepping for Success

I decided I wanted the week to be easy. These are some of the things I did to support myself and what I noticed as the week progressed:

• I prepared and cooked the vegetables I wanted to eat early in the week. It was easy to throw a mix into the air fryer, prepare a tomato “gravy” that’s great on top of eggs or as a sauce with meatballs. I bought pre-packaged salad so I didn’t have to start from scratch when I wanted a salad.

• I used protein powder (vegan) to top up my protein goal. To make a smoothie more interesting and tasty I added almond butter, hemp seeds, and I’ve started taking an liquid omega 3 which has a lemon flavour to it - and of course frozen blueberries or dark cherries, which are delicious. There are so many options when making a smoothie - it’s a good way to play with flavour and experiment!

• I made a batch of meatballs (this week I used extra lean ground beef but I’ve also used ground turkey or chicken). I found them great to eat as a snack or add them to the tomato sauce/gravy for a good source of protein. For the rest of the week I ensured that chicken breasts, salmon or pork chops were available to cook and that I had cans of tuna ready for a quick lunch.

• I enjoyed rice, sweet potato fries, bread - I’ve been learning how to incorporate carbs into my diet and now rely on them for energy. In days gone by I’d have cut carbs out, believing that they were the reason I struggled to lose weight. I now aim for a good mix of all the macros.

• I planned three strengthening workouts and carved out time throughout the day to walk and ensure that I met my step goal of 9500 steps daily.

• I enjoyed wine at a family dinner. During the course of the last 10 months I noticed that wine hasn’t always agree with me so I drink it occasionally now. It was delicious.

• Total weight gain for the week = 2lbs. In the past I’d have been upset about a gain but I now know that after a family dinner and an increase in calories over the week, it’s likely water weight. I no longer use a weight gain as a reason to toss the plan and go down an emotional rabbit hole.

• We took our grandsons out for donuts during the week. There’s a donut shop to die for close to where they live. I know from past experience that while donuts are tasty, they’re not my favorite. So, I had a bite of my husband’s donut (he’s good at sharing) just to confirm that it was too sweet for me. In the past, I’d have had a donut anyway just because. I treated myself to a delicious coffee instead and looked forward to a couple of squares of dark chocolate I have everyday. Satisfaction is important.

Maintenance is over and tomorrow I’ll be back into a calorie deficit. I’m learning that the changes happening to my body, while important and evident in the before and after pictures I’ve taken, are not the most interesting part of this journey.

The Real Journey: Healing and Freedom

I feel my life expanding as I change my mindset, shapeshift outdated beliefs, and make peace with those parts of me that were hidden, pushed away, for far too long.

I love the feeling of holding myself accountable - it’s about doing something each day and creating evidence that I can do hard things, which gradually become easier until they become a habit, just part of the fabric of my life.

Imagine the freedom! Imagine what’s to come and where I’ll be in a few months, a year from now! I can’t wait to find out.

To all in midlife and beyond, or whatever season you happen to be in, who are exhausted from the struggle and may have been on an endless rollercoaster ride with weight and their bodies, I understand and see you. This journey isn’t easy, but knowing you’re not alone helps.

Small Steps Create Big Changes

It’s impossible to change it all overnight but nothing changes unless we begin and so I invite you to start - meet yourself where you’re at and choose to do something each day that supports you. No perfection, no judgement, just something each day to inch you forward.

• Walk for 10 minutes.

• Choose a recurring, limiting thought or belief to work on and practice challenging it - multiple times a day or when it attempts to get in your way. Name the part of you that has you feeling scared and limited - introduce her to the part of you that is wise and strong and invite them to collaborate.

• Increase your daily protein amount.

• Write in your journal - explore WHY this journey is important to you.

• Make a decision to sit with uncomfortable feelings, even for a few minutes - practice, practice, practice. I often walk indoors while doing this or journal - pairing it with something helps strengthen the resolve and gradually become more comfortable with the uncomfortable.

Just begin. Something, not nothing.

As always, I’d love to hear about you and where you’re at in your journey through life. Where could you benefit from life as an experiment? How can you make it easy?

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Thanks for reading.

Joan