Where Is Your Home?
We were invited to write about “home” in our autobiographical writing class (https://www.agelesspossibilities.org/workshops). Each participant wrote something different about home and how she experiences or has experienced home. Armed with writing prompts we could use - or not - I was drawn to this quote:
“Home isn’t a place, it’s a feeling.” ~ Cecilia Ahern
I wrote the following:
“I’ve lived in about 17 dwellings over my lifetime. I felt “at home” in some of them, while others were clearly stopping points along the way, temporary shelters used to pause in but certainly not to stay. Each one had something different to offer – each one held stories that, over time, shaped me and helped me unravel and put together who I am and where my home really is.
My childhood home was the first place I experienced feeling “at home”. The house was built of stone surrounded by tall trees and a large yard to play in. My favorite part of the house was my brother’s room where I got to move into when he left home for boarding school.
The colour was a soothing green and I loved how the sun danced its way in through large windows, facing the front of the house. I felt grown up in this room, finally feeling I could take up space without being overshadowed by an older brother. In a way I felt I’d arrived.
This room held my hopes and dreams, fears, tears, nightmares and the traumas I experienced outside of this safe space. It was where I went to when people and circumstances challenged my body and soul. It was in this room I realized that these 4 walls and this stone dwelling could only protect me so much. And, it was in this room where I realized on some deeper level, a feeling or felt sense, that I was alone in the world despite loving parents, friends and people who cared about me.
It was a moment sitting on the bed sobbing when I knew I’d have to dig deep and find a safe space within, a place I could call home.
I don’t believe I could have put this understanding into words at that age but over time as I grew and matured, I continually returned to that felt-sense of safety and space within that held me through both the good and messy times in my life.
Of all the dwellings I’ve lived in, two stand out in my mind, apart from the green bedroom and our old stone house.
( Photo by Lea Bohm)
The first of the two was a house where I felt “at home”, bought by my husband and I together. It felt comfy, safe, and I knew the minute I walked in that we were meant to be living there. For the first time in years, I was able to put my roots down. We raised our boys in a great neighborhood and created a community that was welcoming and caring.
I felt devastated when it came time to move. As I stood alone in the empty living room before being driven to the airport, I was reminded of that moment sitting on the bed as a child – the need for that safe space and home within never left me but for 10 years it had been softer, less prominent, quieter.
Another move, another change, a move to another place that was stunningly beautiful and yet where I struggled to find and create a spot to thrive in.
Once again, I dug deep. Once again, I was grateful for the space within, known as home.
I’m settled “at home” in the 2nd dwelling, a townhouse close to mountains and the ocean, close to where our children and their families live. We get together for family dinners in this dwelling, have sleepovers with our grandchildren here, have space for friends’ visits, my coaching office upstairs and a man-cave and woodworking space down for my husband. This dwelling allows me shelter and warmth in a corner of the world in which I can live and work until I am no longer able.
But, it is this place called home, found within, that has become increasingly important as I’ve aged and mid-life has found me looking ahead into a shorter, unknown future.
It is a space I retreat to often just to “be”, to check-in with my wise self and what I’ve learned over time.
It’s the kind of place where my questions will be heard and honoured, even if answers aren’t immediately forthcoming.
It’s a place where my soul and spirit connect with me, helping me mull over and sort through the challenges I face with others and myself.
Unlike the dwellings I’ve lived in and left, This home has always been there, never far from my reach, and it will be with me when I take my last breath.”
Thanks for reading!
If you enjoyed this post and would like to explore where your home is with reflective writing prompts, join The WISER Woman’s Guide, where each week I create specially curated writing prompts for you to explore. It is delivered directly in your inbox! Sign up HERE!
Joan
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