Tony Robbins on Pattern Recognition: Why It Matters in Midlife and Beyond

On my walks this week I’ve been listening to Steven Bartlett (Diary of a CEO podcast) interview Tony Robbins, the famous American life coach, motivational speaker, entrepreneur.

I must confess that I didn’t much like Tony’s style when I first heard him on stage decades ago (contrary to popular opinion). I felt he was like a car salesman, selling me a bill of goods that might last for a minute or two but not in the long run.

“You too can change your life in 3 easy steps” was what I heard as he used tools like NLP to help people navigate transitions and challenges, all within the space of hours or a couple of days at one of his motivational conferences.

The hype was intoxicating. And I give him credit - for elevating himself to near God-like status and for those he genuinely helped.

The challenge for me was that more than once I worked with clients who were flying high for a day or two after his sessions before crashing, realizing that life hadn’t changed at all and they were back to their realities - unable to duplicate the high and make the changes, let alone sustain them.

Don’t misunderstand me, change-agent tools like NLP are powerful and fast-acting, but as with all tools, how they’re used and in what context is important.

The man I learned NLP from hammered home the importance of context and client safety when using these techniques. He helped me understand that as a coach/counsellor my position is one of power and therefore to be navigated respectfully and with some degree of caution.

But I digress.

As I listened to Tony Robbins my reaction to him shifted. Although he still storms onto the stage - ever the great performer - I felt that perhaps aging and the wisdom that comes with it, has given him a depth I hadn’t heard before.

Or perhaps it’s me that’s softened and I was able to listen while suspending past judgements.

Either way, he had some interesting things to say about our current world and how to navigate it.

One of the things that caught my attention was the importance he places on pattern recognition. In today’s world where technology is exploding, information is instant, and change is coming at us at a relentless speed, he suggested it is imperative we are able to distinguish patterns - not only in business and in the markets, but within ourselves.

In the interview, Tony outlined three things:

First, that patterns drive outcomes. Second, that most of them operate unconsciously. And third, that once you see a pattern, it can’t be unseen and you then have the opportunity to change it - consciously.

He outlines a number of reasons why this is important and why he’s teaching his children and grandchildren to recognize patterns in today’s world.

But when I thought about this in the context of midlife and beyond, this is what came to mind:  

Midlife is a time when we have more space to recognize:

• When, where and how we’ve silenced ourselves

• Where negative relationship behaviours are repeated over and over

• The “I’ll start again on Monday” story that never ends

• The rinse and repeat cycle of overworking, over functioning, over-taking-care-of others

I was often too busy in my earlier years to see my patterns or if I did, I was too busy working, building, parenting and surviving to recognize that they drove or influenced many of my outcomes.

For example, years of restricted dieting resulted in a disordered relationship with food and my body. In midlife I’ve had the space to step back and notice what kept repeating – it’s changed my perspective.

Patterns that once kept me safe no longer work but to change them, I’ve had to become curious about them - and deepen the work its taken to shift old beliefs and behaviours.

There’s been no “three easy steps” to recognizing and changing patterns.

No, it’s been about learning gentle awareness and how to regulate emotionally (EFT and NLP are great tools for this).  

It’s meant risking “failure” while making small intentional choices, laying the foundation and building evidence that new patterns are possible to create and sustain.

It’s been about uncovering the underlying stories that have been hidden or pushed down; rewriting them, practicing them, reciting them over and over, until they become embedded within.

This is the work; this is what sustainable change requires of us.  

And what I love about midlife and beyond, is that it’s a season where wisdom catches up with experience.

We’re not interested in hype.

We seek truth and compassion.

We’re willing to explore hidden parts and patterns.

Willing to ask, “Is this pattern still serving me?”

As Tony notes, the world is changing quickly around us, and technology isn’t to be stopped as it reshapes lives.

But the deeper work we must do to change our patterns remains intentional, a step-by-step process that is deep, emotional, human.

As you move through this season of life, what pattern are you beginning to see more clearly — and is it still serving you?

Thanks for reading.

Joan

If this post sparked something in you, please join me inside The WISER Woman’s Guide for weekly therapeutic/reflective writing prompts and practical tools for midlife growth.

Or come to the upcoming Tap & Write series on weight, health, and the patterns we hold around our bodies.

You can also find me on Substack.

Won’t you join me?