Walking Through the Desert: Midlife Transitions, Journaling, and Self-Compassion
As I begin to write this post it’s Friday and almost 9am. I really don’t have any idea what to focus on, but I felt compelled to sit down and tap my keyboard, trusting that whatever needs to emerge on this page will. Not knowing is a familiar feeling, one that I and my clients know only too well.
This week my clients reminded me that just because we reach a certain age, like midlife and beyond, it doesn’t mean we have it all figured out.
In fact, I think this age and stage in life is ripe for working through loose ends, when the unfinished or uncertain parts of us ask for attention.
And this week, change and transition were alive and well, showing up boldly through these themes:
Identity and Trust:
The need for validation that has kept us from believing in ourselves.
The dilemma of how to start over when nothing is the same as it was.
Loss and Disconnection:
The realization that friends have fallen by the wayside and that maybe they weren’t really aligned after all.
The underlying grief and loss of what was and who is no longer with us. When remembering still transports us back to the moment of death or wounding.
When loneliness keeps us longing for connection.
Dysfunction:
The disappointment and shame of being told “you’re not enough” by those who’ve raised you and yet demand compliance and loyalty from you.
The work environment that has you wired, constantly on high alert, your nervous system screaming for release - no one sees or listens to you and doesn’t miss your presence when you’re told your services are no longer required and you’re thoughtlessly dismissed.
Transition feels like walking in the desert, trudging through sand, with no clear path ahead. You hope that the mirage you see ahead is real and water is flowing freely, freeing you from the desolation and desperation. With each step you ask the question “what the hell am I doing with my life/in this job/with these people?”
As I’ve reflected on all these deeply held issues, I recognize myself in many of them – and perhaps you do too. What has helped me through so many transitions in my life is having someone meet me with another perspective.
Sometimes the simplest and yet most profound shifts come with questions such as:
“Can you open the door just a sliver to consider another way of looking at this?”
“What if this period called Transition is more than confusing and overwhelming? What if it’s a time for exploration and experimentation, a dive into what you want and an opportunity to release what’s been holding you back from confidence, trusting yourself, or _____?
And sometimes validation and reflection are needed:
“I’m sorry this happened to you. No one deserves to be treated this way. Even though it’s hard to sit with them, let’s acknowledge these feelings and allow them to be here. We don’t need to do anything – just allow them, notice them until they’re ready to lift and drift away.”
“I see your strength – to keep going even when this feels hopeless and you feel helpless is about your strength, not weakness.”
“I’ve witnessed your bravery as you take one step at a time through the fog, trusting that clarity will emerge as surely as the fog clears and the sun and blue sky appear.”
I’m grateful to have walked through the desert many times, like my clients.
I too know the feeling of shoulders dropping as my grip on what no longer serves me softened.
I’ve felt relief that I didn’t have to know the answers in that moment.
I’ve welcomed warm tears and deep sighs, gradually allowing space and time to calm my body and frantic mind.
Uncertainty, and all that it brings, can become a place where something begins to shift, moving us quietly forward – especially when we’re met with compassion and validation and another perspective.
Reflection:
Take a few slow breaths. Tap (EFT) around the points as you breath. Think of a transition you’re currently moving through.
What feels unfinished, uncertain, or a challenge right now?
Write it all down without trying to solve or explain — simply notice what wants to be acknowledged.
Then, when you’re done, ask yourself:
What might soften if I didn’t need to know the answers yet?
Continue writing until you have nothing left to say. What did you notice or learn from this question?
If this resonated…
If you find yourself in a season of transition — unsure, tired of holding it all together, or quietly wondering what wants to shift — you don’t have to navigate it alone.
I invite you to explore Tap & Write, a gentle practice that combines EFT tapping with therapeutic/reflective writing to help you acknowledge what’s here, release what no longer serves you, and move forward with more ease and self-compassion. It’s not about fixing but about meeting yourself exactly where you are.
You can join me in my private Facebook group for a Tap & Write Self-Compassion Reset (January 26-30), and receive monthly reflections, prompts, and insights by subscribing to The WISER Woman’s Guide. It’s a space for thoughtful midlife women navigating change and transition.
Thanks for reading.
Joan
