Through My Mother’s Eyes

Aug 17

The story of how wronged I felt at the age of 8 when my ballet teacher told me I was no longer welcome to return for second term was another defining moment in my young life. You can read the story HERE.

For decades I carried this story with me, angry at my mom for not advocating enough for me, angry that she couldn’t convince my teacher to accept me back.

I remember the feeling of being so wronged and the injustice of not being able to participate, caste aside because I was larger than the other girls. And, in those moments of heartbreak, I lashed out and blamed my mom for it all.

My mom passed away in 2012. We never talked about the story I carried with me for all those years. It never occurred to me to ask her what it was like for her to receive that phone call and hear that her child wasn’t welcome because of her weight.

It was by chance that in a writing session I remembered this story and by the end of 10 minutes I’d written about the details and the feelings - from my perspective.

And then we were invited to write again but this time from a different perspective. It was as if something or someone took over my pen and after 10 minutes I’d written about this story again - but from my mother’s eyes.

I found myself seeing how heartbreaking it must have been for mom to see my pain and have to tell me that it was because of my body and weight that I wasn’t welcome back to ballet class. Weight and size was already an issue for me and as I wrote from her perspective, I imagined the anger she felt about it, not only for me, but for herself - she was doing her best to support me and knew my confidence and self-worth would wobble from this blow.

My mom wasn’t perfect and we had a challenging relationship, but writing about a story we shared from her perspective and seeing the impact it might have had on her, has helped me let go of this memory. It’s helped me feel compassion for the woman who was just doing her best, who tried to fight this battle for me over the phone, and who as a mom felt just as helpless in those moments as I did.

Writing has given me a gift - to see another side, another perspective or point of view. Words have power and help us tap into our subconscious mind - they invite creativity and new awareness that transform our perceptions and beliefs.

I’ve recently combined EFT tapping with writing as a way to increase calm in our bodies before putting pen to paper. Tapping reduces cortisol, relaxing our minds and bodies so we have better access to ideas and thoughts without any worry about being a good or bad writer, about spelling or grammar, about right and wrong ways to say what’s emerging as our pens glide along the paper.

Won’t you join me in a process that’s gentle, respectful, illuminating and takes you to places you might not have gone before? Tap and Write Studio

Thanks for reading!

Joan