3 Things to Do to Live With Uncertainty Effectively
Within the last months (and realistically maybe the last year), I’ve reluctantly attempted to make peace with uncertainty. It’s not my first rodeo living with this sense of not knowing but recent events threw my life into turmoil, and something had to be done.
I won’t share the exact situation with you or who it’s about because of privacy but will tell you it has to do with a life-altering health issue that has had us going up and down and all around on a rollercoaster I don’t recommend riding. It’s unnerving, scary, wobbly and has felt never-ending.
Time takes on new meaning during situations like this. When you hurry to get things done and then wait to be told what the next steps are, “hurry up and wait” becomes the new motto.
It’s at times like these you notice how fragile life can be, how important health and wellness is, and become acutely aware of ageing and mortality. The future is less clear and fraught with “What if…” questions. Fear and anxiety mixed with a dose of hope and prayers that all will be well in the end, take over daily tasks. You feel your life is not your own.
I’ve attempted to navigate my way through these uncertain times with grace and patience. As a wife and partner, mom, and grandma, I’ve felt the need to support and hold space for the intensity, emotions, and reactions we’ve all had on this unwanted journey.
I’m not going to lie; it’s not been easy. I’ve done my best to be steady, embody the wise crone who is a guide through life’s transitions, is loving, and fully present. I’ve not always succeeded. Sometimes I’ve been a mess, a puddle on the floor, and not known how to cope with it all except to eat, drink wine, and withdraw.
I’ve painted a bleak picture of what it’s like to live with uncertainty when something big, important, and traumatic darkens your door.
But what if there’s a way to navigate through uncertainty even though it’s uncomfortable and hard?
The following 3 tips have helped me adjust and adapt to my new “normal”. Give them a try.
1. Self-compassion: This may strike you as a well-worn cliché, but life without it is so much harder. Beating yourself up when you’re feeling down isn’t the best strategy to help you move ahead – in fact, it’s the last thing you need.
The misconception about self-compassion is that you let yourself off the hook, give in to the feelings, and sanction the thoughts that keep you spiralling downwards. But self-compassion is far from that. It’s about holding the space so you can:
feel your feelings instead of shoving them down with food (or wine, gambling, over-spending, etc.)
acknowledge those relentless negative thoughts, write them down, and begin to replace them with supportive ones, and
allow yourself the time and grace you need to heal.
Kristen Neff is a leader in teaching us how to become self-compassionate. Here’s a video interview where she breaks self-compassion down for us. It’s worth watching!
2. Self-Assessment: I find this step one of the most important and gratifying and recommend you do it regularly no matter what’s happening in your life. There are two questions I invite you to explore.
The first is “What’s important to you?” and the second is “Are you being the woman you want to be as you navigate this path?”.
When I realized that uncertainty was to be my reality for the unforeseeable future, I knew that I needed to take a step back and look at what was important to me so I could cope over the long haul. It meant refocusing so I could manage my emotions, energy, and time.
To be the woman I wanted to be, some of the decisions I made were to:
continue coaching a few clients
keep writing when I had the energy
continue sending out The WISER Woman’s Notebook to you monthly(ish)
write or repurpose my blogs
stop posting on social media regularly and only post when I had the energy and something to say
spend more time with my grandsons, have more family dinners, enjoy time with my hubby
commit to improving my health
And finally, carve out time for me – to think, process, grieve, heal, connect with others or not, watch more Netflix than usual, and rest.
No matter what your circumstances are, take the time to step back and identify what’s important, what you’re able to keep doing, and what you can let go of, put on hold or delegate - so you can be the woman you want to be as you navigate uncertain times.
You, lovely soul, cannot take care of others if you’re not taking care of you!
3. Ask for help and support: When uncertainty overwhelms you, there’s no shame in asking for help and support. The idea that we should be able to do it ourselves, keep a stiff upper lip, soldier on, does not apply here, especially if you’re struggling with stress, anxiety or trauma (past or present).
Being compassionate with yourself, laser clear about what’s important to you, and being the woman you want to be may require some back-up. You have the right to ask for help – coaching and counselling can help you get through it with grace and ease.
As I became acutely aware of health and ageing during this situation, it became clear to me that I needed to take my health seriously. I knew I needed help and support to make the changes I wanted to. I didn’t have the expertise around fitness or nutrition, so I joined a year long transformational small group fitness program at my gym and a 12-week nutrition/weight loss program with a Registered Dietician, Michelle Shepherd (https://westcoastnutrition.ca/).
These programs have helped me so much over the last months. I’m now into my 4th full month of group exercise and more than halfway through the nutrition program. My fitness level has increased already – I am stronger, have more cardio capacity, am dealing with stress and anxiety better, and it’s helped me learn more about my own body wisdom and intuition.
The nutrition program is helping me learn what foods feel good in my body, how to eat for maximum energy, manage emotional eating and understand what I need to do nutritionally to heal a body that’s been through the wringer with decades of dieting and restriction.
What support and help do you need as you navigate the journey you’re on?
I hope these tips help you live with uncertainty as they have for me. As I write this, I no longer eat emotionally (for the most part) and have some energy to write, continue coaching and am beginning to plan a bit for my future. Nothing has changed with my circumstances, but I am dealing with uncertainty in more productive ways.
The biggest lesson is that we only have control over how we respond to life’s challenges and changing circumstances.
If you’re living with uncertainty and struggling with food, your body, and life, I’m here for you.
Let’s connect and chat about what you need and how you too can begin moving forward as the woman you want to be. Reach me HERE.
With gratitude and love,
Joan
